@slimmy_shady: Me: "Get me a newspaper."Friend: "Don't be silly. Here. Borrow my iPad." Poor spider never knew what hit it.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@huntigula: "Swimming is dangerous, so I wear floaties on my arms for safety!" [cut to me floating face-down in a pool with only my arms above water]
@urgeekisshowing: That awkward moment when someone asks if you've dyed your hair and you say no, its just clean.
@TeflonPawn: By the power vested in me by this case of beer, I now pronounce these three loads of laundry as one.