@UNTRESOR: Me: Hello darkness, my old friend.
Darkness: New phone, who dis?
@BackrowSeats: Don't dwell on bad things that happened in your past. Focus on the terrible things that'll happen tomorrow.
@Rollinintheseat: Interviewer: "Why do you want to be a librarian?"
Me: "I like telling people to be quiet."
@shkeeber: My job blocked the Favstar website and I'm not sure if I should quit or take hostages.
Haha! Jk. I'm totally taking hostages.
@rzarosco: If I ever murder anyone I'm going to hide the body on my second or third page of favstar where no one will ever find it
@chrissyteigen: i have a very sore throat & your suggestion of a shot of whiskey only helped in the way that i no longer care about my extremely sore throat