@UNTRESOR: Me: Hello darkness, my old friend.
Darkness: New phone, who dis?
@chuuew: POLICE SKETCH ARTIST: So he had grey hair, medium build, grey eyes, no glasses, a grey suit and grey shoes?
@CJhooray: "Damn do you have a wizard wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? ;)"
*pulls wand from pocket*
"I haven't been happy in years"
@Diversion50: BUZZ ALDRIN: I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with E.
NEIL ARMSTRONG: Earth?
*5 minutes silence*
BUZZ: OK, yep.
@liv_thatsme: Me: Will I be happy in 2017?
(peers into crystal ball)
Me: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN
Psychic: I don't know; I've never seen one explode before
@CopBroughtPizza: gf: i'm breaking up with you.
me: is it my drinking habits?
gf: well it...
me: *interrupts with empty cup straw-sipping noise for 2 minutes*