@truegritrumble: ME: *holding my crying newborn son* There. There. I ALSO find myself very upsetting.
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@bananagrvyrd: My DNA results came back and apparently I'm .0002% aardvark. Which pretty much answers all the questions I've ever had. About anything.
@lasergirl70: Coworker to me: " Why are you always rushing out of here after work? You're single with no kids." Me: " Exactly."
@_NinJar: *wakes up in hospital* What happened? "It was a heart attack" Will I be ok? *a big heart outside slowly taps on window with a bat* "No"
@OneFunnyMummy: My kids have enough energy to run 10,000 laps around the house but get tired walking around the block. I call bullshit.