@pradacid: “shake what ya momma gave ya!” *starts shaking low self-esteem*

@ShipInTheKnight: I just don't understand how moats ever went out of style.

@meganamram: party idea: "DUI or IUD?" u can only invite people who have one or both and u CAN'T divulge which

@iamspacegirl: KING SOLOMON: I shall cut it in two, half for each of you. WOMAN: sure ME: OH GOD NO! KING SOLOMON: ok this is clearly your meatball sub.

@TheDreamGhoul: DATE: you smell so nice - what are you wearing? ME: Febreeze