@Tmoney68: I hop in a tanning bed during storms in the hopes of being struck by lightning & turned into a lame, but beautifully bronzed, superhero.

@PlasmaChemist: Shouldn't octopus apendages be called eightacles?

@CulturedRuffian: Doughnuts alone won't fill the emptiness in your soul...you'll also need chocolate milk.

@jake_lach: Lady pulled away with the gas pump still in her car and I was like OMG who's your dealer?

@UGotMeRight: My boss says I need to work on my people skills & he needs to work on his changing four slashed tires skills.