@369ffs: me: I can't sleep
her: count some sheep
me [1647 sheep later]: this is bullshit
@jonnysun: there was a girl on tv show who was crying sayin "i miss america" and it was real sad until someone corected her grammar and gave her a sash
@captainkalvis: ME: let's go to the International House of Pancakes
GERALD (a bunny): Ihop?
ME: you can do whatever you want, gerald, i'm getting pancakes
@Hey_Sascha: Nothing is quite as scary as hearing your doorbell ring on the same night you made a blood sacrifice to the dark lord.
@HollyHeals: Ever have the shower curtain touch you unexpectedly and start karate chopping the air?? No, me either.
@DamonHunzeker: He died doing what he loved -- screaming for help and punching a bear.