@fro_vo: Me: i never know what to say
Friend: just say something nice
@JessicaVarsity: Twitter is like a dog: There's always someone who loves you for you... there's also always someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
@adamhess1: I will never tire of sending random messages like this to random numbers
@alldrolledup: when your neighbor cuts his grass and suddenly your place looks like a good place to score meth
@WritePlay: *burglar breaks in*
*i reach into my nightstand drawer, get my phone, & take his picture*
Burglar: No I have a double chin!
Me: I'll post it
@chuuew: [ninja warrior]
HOST: First up we have... Oh-
ME: [dislocates shoulder waving to camera]