@d_duhwit: Me: I treat my body like a temple.
*leaves body in the Mexican jungle for 500 years*
@THK1965: Enemas make shit happen. No seriously.
@peachesanscream: A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. So would mine, probably, if I was having sex with something made out of bacon.
Excuse me, this isn't what I ordered.
"You ordered a Grande."
Yes, but this is Ariana Grande.
"Sir, please just take her."
@Fred_Delicious: "Hey Barack"
"I bet T-Rex's took terrible selfies"
"Because they had..."
"Short arms Joe, yes. I get it. I get it buddy"
@BreadFoster: Only in New York will they pay $5 a bottle for cold water, but cry when it's free from the sky.