@Marlebean: Me: Ok kids, vacation time!!
M: See you in a week!
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: What did I ask you to do?
Me: Love you forever?
M: Kill a man to defend you honor?
W: EMPTY THE DISHWASER
I was getting there.
@TheTimmyToes: BARTENDER: the usual?
*bartender hands me a shot glass full of chocolate chips*
@YesThatAmy: Nobody in this grocery store thinks I'm a good bowler. Also, clean up in aisle four.
@omgthatspunny: This is so cornknee
@ImABaconDonut: One day on Mercury lasts about 1,408 hours.
About the same as a common Monday on Earth.