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@Marlebean: Me: Ok kids, vacation time!!
M: See you in a week!
@ClichedOut: [blind date]
HER: i love classic rock
ME: (trying to impress) i've been to Stonehenge
@_ElvishPresley_: *reads list of assassin targets*
"Eggs, milk...what the-"
[CUT TO] *wife at store looking desperately for North Korean nuclear physicist*
@causticbob: And that, Romeo, is why we usually try to take a pulse first.
@ArfMeasures: [Me as a hairdresser]
ME: What do u think of your haircut
HER: I need more volume
ME [leans in too close] WHAT DO U THINK OF YOUR HAIRCUT
@chrisanna4real: I'm not self medicating myself with booze. The guy at the liquor store wrote me a prescription.
Well he called it a receipt...whatever.