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@RandiLawson: Me: OMG I feel amazing!
WebMD: sounds like cancer!
@ruinedpicnic: "Well boy," I yell to my dog, seated in the basket of my pushbike as we plummet to the rocks below, "naming you E.T. clearly wasn't enough."
@mzeld: The worst is when you text someone and they text you back 2 hrs later but you already keyed their car and emailed their secrets to everyone.
@aparnapkin: "Women are crazy!"
"Did one try to murder you unprovoked?"
"No I just disappeared from her life with no notice & she went all PSYCHO on me."
@imchriskelly: At grandma's. Which means this morning I woke up at 8:45am and was still greeted with, "Look who's finally up. We thought you were dead!"
@drinkcherrycoke: So I just found out those stick figures on the back of cars are not to keep track of how many pedestrians you've hit,i will be removing mine