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@sweet_pea707: Me: Siri, how do I look?
Siri: Well, at least you tried
@Ooft_Headshot: Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
@Tbone7219: The cops just showed up at work & all the workers that have been in trouble before fled. At least that's what I can see from under my desk.
@ch000ch: accidentally called out my dentist's name during my colonoscopy
@WheelTod: Saw a standup duo last night. One totally died on stage. The other killed. Actually, now I think about it, it might have been a cage fight.
@cambuslad: Someone with OCD visited my TL whilst I was napping and now all my tweets
seem to be facing the same way.