@batkaren: ME: Take care of my cat while I'm away?
HITMAN: [screwing on silencer] No problem.
@Kernsti: Doctors love to slip in that worst case scenario.
"It could be a cold or strep throat or WEST NILE VIRUS but I'm sure it's nothing."
@montgomaryrock: Give a man a six pack and he'll drink for a day.
Give him a 24 pack and he'll drink for a day.
@kyry5: Sir Im sorry I rear ended you but I was focused on not accidentally eating a purple jelly bean and you're handling this really insensitively
@laurenmacdonald: If I give my dog a toy that doesn't make an unbearably annoying noise she looks at me like I have no clue how to do anything right in life.
@rolldiggity: A Star Wars scene where drunk Luke and Han admit they have no idea what Chewie and R2 are saying, and then they both just start laughing