@batkaren: ME: Take care of my cat while I'm away?
HITMAN: [screwing on silencer] No problem.
@SortaBad: "We need to kill the terrorist NOW"
"The human body is 70% water"
Jesus, you know what to do
*terrorist dies of alcohol poisoning*
@caliluvgirl77: [staff meeting]
"Ya so heads up, someone grabbed my lunch from the fridge, and there's a 420% chance you shouldn't eat the brownie inside"
@montgomaryrock: Give a man a six pack and he'll drink for a day.
Give him a 24 pack and he'll drink for a day.
@mariokeyparty: Damn girl are you a cobweb cause you're really clingy and annoying
@Vodkantots: I thought I found my soul mate for a minute there, but he was just a pervert on the internet.
*runs after him