@DadInUtah: Me: What are you doing in your pajamas still? 3 year old: Eating frosting. Me: Fair enough.
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@TheRobCee: [Jr. Biology class, girls in jumpsuits burst in] OK, who's ready for fun? We're The Photosynthesisters & we're gonna talk 2 U about PLANTS!
@ericacanrant: If your partner makes you sleep closest to the door, you are either the protector or bait for the zombies.
@KyleMcDowell86: *buys roofies, slips then into girlfriends drink, plays video games for 8 hours straight in peace and quiet*