@DaddyJew: Me: what do you want to be when you grow up?
Me: no, something reasonable
@: Me: Any news?
Doctor: I'm just waiting for your x-ray.
Me: But I've never dated anyone called Ray.
Doctor: And we might do a brain scan.
@3sunzzz: Dodgeball in gym class...
because life wasn't already hard enough when I was 12.
@TheTweetOfGod: The problem with rich people is you're not one of them.
@juliussharpe: I believe in a woman's right to choose, except when it comes to picking what movie we should watch tonight.
@Lpbinder: You haven't experienced awkward until you tickle someone who isn't ticklish.