@DaddyJew: Me: what do you want to be when you grow up?
Me: no, something reasonable
@MichaelTrying: Billy Joel seems remarkably unfazed by the old man sitting next to him making love to his tonic and gin.
@tastefactory: Tattoos are a nice way to forever honor loved ones, like family members who have passed away, or skulls with bat wings that have passed away
@KalvinMacleod: DOCTOR: [checking chart] it says here that u suffer from delusions of grandeur
ME: [grabbing chart] thanks doctor, I’ll handle it from here
@CornOnTheGoblin: [my mom pretends to answer her phone] hello? oh hi Batman...i dunno if he's eating his vegetables or not
me: [mouth full of broccoli] i am!
@SteveSuckington: I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching.