@clindsaysway: Meant to say, "Let me check my calendar and get back to you." What came out: "I'm available anytime"
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@thenoahkinsey: If you didn't wanna hear "Baby smell is biology preventing the mom from eating it," you shouldn't have invited me to the baby shower, Carol!
@MarfSalvador: [Interview room] Me: I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present Cop: You ARE the lawyer Me: So where's my present?!
@NotThatKristi: We're adults. It's bad enough we selfie. Don't make it worse with the surprise face selfie