@clindsaysway: Meant to say, "Let me check my calendar and get back to you." What came out: "I'm available anytime"
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@RobSprance: If McDonalds wants to check my $10 bill for signs of counterfeit, I should be able to check their chicken for chicken.
@InternetHippo: [making money] Ugh this is boring and awful. But at least spending it will be nice! [spending money] Ah no this feels bad also
@causticbob: "Susan, will you marry me?" "Oh yes Johnny, yes! Yes!" Ten grand later and it's still the best prank I ever pulled on my twin brother.