@novicefather: Meant to type "Lmaoooo" but left off the "L" and now she thinks I'm singing the praises of The People's Republic.
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@Sickayduh: *sees commercial* "Talk to your kids about drugs before its too late" "Kiddo. Kitchen. Now" - Yeah? "This is oregano. Don't get ripped off"
@Tommytoughstuff: [Hardware store] ME: I'll take one of those giant forks. WORKER: That's a rake. ME: I'm gonna eat so much spaghetti with that thing.