@BaileysIrishTom: Meeting my friend's new kid is always awkward. I mean, do I let them smell my hand before I pet it or just go right in?
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@internetluke: That tattoo of wings on your back are good. But wings that small could hardly get you off the ground though. *reveals full body wing tattoo*
@MisterBombay: Whenever I'm waiting for an elevator & the door finally slides open I pretend I'm on a Game Show & just won a group of people
@meat_tornado_: write your suicide note in frosting on a cake so no one can eat it and people will still hate you even though you are dead
@10InchesPlus: So in The Matrix they feed you the liquified remains of the dead through a tube but you get to sleep and be online all day? I'm listening.