@BaileysIrishTom: Meeting my friend's new kid is always awkward. I mean, do I let them smell my hand before I pet it or just go right in?
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@austen_420: Rules for meeting a puppy: 1 be cool 2 pet it 3 do not steal it 4 stop running from the owner 5 put it down 6 this isn't worth jail time
@chagger73: Going down on a woman is the best. The way her thighs cover your ears so you can finally get some quiet time...
@gobmentcheese: I like to stand next to a stranger on the elevator and whisper, "I read what you said on the internet."