@NoorShamma: Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Mars has 2 moons. Venus has no moons. Do you see where I'm getting at? Men, GIVE BACK OUR MOON!
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@SlappNuttz: I just met a spider that jumped right at me when I tried to kill it. And that spider just met a man that does not need to live in a home.
@QwertyJones3: "Honey, it's not that I don't like your cooking, it's just that the smoke's about to asphyxiat our family." "WHAT'D YOU SAY ABOUT MY ASS??"
@GUBLERNATION: accidentally stabbed a friend last night but a little later a different friend caught on fire and i put him out with my hand so i'm even
@ClichedOut: Scientist: The outside of your phone is the dirtiest thing in the world. Me: Lol, you haven't seen the inside.