@TampaBayMomma: Men think us women dream of finding the perfect man when really, all we want is to eat anything without getting fat.
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@AnOrangeSNES: [Batman & Joker at a table in Arkham Asylum] Joker: Wanna know I got these Scars? *He gestures at his Lion King action figures* Batman: Ugh
@ninjadinosaur1: My neighbour said I'm not allowed to feed the baby raccoons living in their shed. I wonder if they'd prefer left over chicken to sandwiches
@PetrickSara: Does anyone know a good locksmith? I spent the entire day cleaning the entire house and need to keep my family out.
@PaperWash: Your honor let the records indicate my client was upsexy Judge: what's upsexy? [lawyer whispers to defendant] quick, this is your chance