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@ElizaBayne: Find out if the NSA is listening to your call by singing SWEET CAROLINE and if more than one voice responds with bum bum bum THEN YOU KNOW
@patcasey72: Seriously, ladies. If you just stop sleeping with douchebags eventually their species will go extinct. Look at the big picture here.
@Storminika: A cop just pulled me over -- asking if I knew my tail light was out? I said, 'Uh uh. I drive on the inside of my car'
@thenatewolf: My Grandpa used to gather us around to tell us stories about surviving World War Two. My dad just gathered us around to watch a YouTube clip of an Asian child playing “Africa” by Toto on a rubber chicken.