@ninatreemonkey: Met my boyfriend on eharmony, also eharmony is the nickname I gave this vending machine, meet my sandwich
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@djdarrellripley: Me: I grew a beard once & It actually looked just like yours. Him: Why'd you shave it off? Me: I just told you...
@muskrat_john: "WHAT ARE WE TO TELL THE CHILDREN ABOUT GAYS MARRYING?" Dunno. I'll ask my 5-year-old, who just married her stuffed bear to a stuffed pony.
@bobvulfov: DONALD TRUMP (45 minutes into watching wall-e): this film is not what i hoped it would be