@waydybee: Met this chinese guy with the surname Shen. His name's Eric. As in Eric Shen. Have him for more than 4hours, call a doctor!
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@Midgetspar: My boss was all, "Do you know why I called you to the office, " and I was like, "I dunno is there a hidden security camera in the bathroom."
@aksorojas: fiancé: please take off my bra and my skirt me: *seductively takes off her bra and her skirt* fiancé: if i catch you wearing my stuff again, i swear to god i’m gonna murder you