@SirEvisiae: EVERYONE FREEZE THIS IS A ROBBERY! "What's that?" It...it's a sawed-off shotgun. "Aren't you supposed to use the other half?" ...shit.

@professor_eks: If you like to spoon, you'll love to spatula. That's where I flip you over to make certain you're done properly on both sides.

@UncleDynamite: sistine chapel

@Marlebean: Me: My neighbor who's a doctor said it's healthy to sleep nude Friend: What type of dr? Me: Optometrist I guess. He has lots of binoculars

@Thynebear: [starts chanting in unison] In Unison! In Unison! In Unison! Government Official: I don't know what he wants, all I know is I don't like it.