@Smuirf: Mexican jokes and black jokes are pretty much the same. Once you hear Juan you've heard Jamal.
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@MondayPajamas: Girl, you don't even know how crazy I am about you.... I'm thinking about digging my mom up so she can meet you.
@LeBearGirdle: Wife: [watching the news] oh God, did you see Petsmart got robbed?! Me: [loud barks coming from all 19 pockets of my parachute pants] nope
@KeithSantagato: #WhyDoPeopleThinkItsOkayTo replace letters in words with numbers....well now i don't feel like reading the math equation you just sent me