@GrantTanaka: wife: I don't think our marriage can survive the distance issue me: what distance issue, I'm always here or nearby wife: me: oh

@brunopieroni: A search party sounds like a fun way to look for someone.

@fouadelbatrawi: Thank God for butter because without butter all butterflies would be just flies and that sounds terrible.

@slimpickins_: The problem with studying ancient Chinese art is I want some Mexican art a half an hour later.

@Reverend_Scott: WIFE: What are you doing? ME: [struggling on floor] Yoga WIFE: At the bottom of the stairs? ME: WIFE: You fell down the stairs ME: Yes