@robdelaney: Michael Jackson would be 54 today if he hadn't hired such a gifted nap specialist.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Naked_Wombat: I'm not necessarily saying that I am or am not a super hero, but I do occasionally stand with my hands on my hips.
@DannyZuker: My son's soccer coach just said, "You can't spell "triumph" without 'try,'" and the look my son and I shared will bond us forever.
@thenatewolf: *The doctor hands me my son. I see that he's Asian. I look at my wife* ME: unbelievable WIFE: I tried to tell- ME: the stork flew so far!
@tastefactory: PATIENT: Someone gave me pills at a party and my stomach hurts DR: We took x-rays. You have spongy dinosaurs expanding inside you right now