@TeaPainUSA: Mike Huckabee calls Obama a "pretend Christian", and if anyone's an expert on "pretend Christians", it's Mike Huckabee.
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@Scott_A_Gilmore: Came home from work early and caught my inflatable girlfriend cheating on me with the beachball.
@70Ceeks: SOMEBODY: she had a boyfriend who looked like that girlfriend that you had in february of last year ME: what the hell are you talking about
@AnitaHelmet: When it comes to sex, I really need to have a connection. Otherwise the page just keeps buffering and it takes FOREVER to load.
@Mr_Kapowski: Me: What kind of cake for your birthday? Wife: Just something with chocolate [later, me in the kitchen melting chocolate over a crab cake]