@daemonic3: MILLION DOLLAR IDEA: An alarm clock that sounds like a dog's pre-puke warning grunts.
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@Sickayduh: HER: You promised me you were over your Bruce Willis obsession. ME: Sorry. Old habits die hard with a vengeance.
@Tommytoughstuff: ME: This electric toothbrush knocked a few of my teeth loose. DENTIST: That's an egg beater.
@johnofah: Pluto wasn't even a planet for a full year on Pluto. Do you ever think about that? No. You only think about yourself.
@SteveSackington: If your mother in law and your father in law were both engulfed in flames, and you only had one fire extinguisher, where would you hide it?