@PaulyPeligroso: Million Dollar Idea: Teach pugs to DJ, create a new genre of music...pugstep.
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@robotrowboat: Please put away that scary photo, Tina. That's my X-ray. I'm not sure what’s worse: the fact you dated a skeleton or that its name was Ray.
@daemonic3: INTERVIEWER: Do you have any hidden talents? ME: I taught myself how to play piano INTERVIEWER: By ear? ME: No, just with my hands
@offbeatoliv: Half my family is Catholic, the other half Jewish, so when the tweet contest theme is "guilt" I pretty much have it in the bag.