@BillMc7: MIND BENDER: Take your age. Now subtract 3. That's how old you were three years ago.
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@QwertyJones3: "What'd you do this weekend?" I was shooting craps. "Oh you went to a casino?" *flashback to blasting dog turds with shotgun* Um, yeah.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Things are going well. *knocks on wood* 5-year-old: Who's there? Me: It's not a knock knock joke. 5: It's not a knock knock joke who?
@rockymomax: [Jesus entering surf contest] Judge: What type of board will you be riding? Jesus: [looks at feet] They're using boards?