@KentWGraham: Misery loves company. And from what I can tell, the company she loves is the one where I work.
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@petemandik: I have just completed knitting a tiny sweater for my one true friend, who is a grape.
@murrman5: *texts son "dont say me" as wife heads to his bedroom* wife to son: why did you put next years date on your science paper about time travel?
@Douchekevin: The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she's just found my twitter account
@nicfit75: Fact: Children can hear at a higher frequency than adults. How no one has developed an effective child-repellant yet is beyond me.