@SeanBlazed: Miss someone? Paint a helium balloon like their face. Deflate it. Put it in your back pocket. They're still gone and that was weird advice.
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@Mindless4Miles: Before seeing why your toddler has been quiet for 10 mins it's best to first call the plumber and write your apology letter to the landlord.
@PyrBliss: If you don't swear when you're driving, you aren't paying enough attention to the road.
@noogscorner: Cop: License and registration please. Me: Give me a second, I'm drunk. Cop: Sir, have you been drinking? Me: No.