@IntoxicaTweeted: Misunderstandings happen when one person is clearly stupid.
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@Bandersnaaatch: Kids, because why would you want to sleep on more than 6 inches of your king size bed?
@KeetPotato: [lightbulb store] owner: "what watt can i get you?" me: owner: me: owner: "did i stutter?" me: "i dont know"
@CindyBegel: Sometimes when my cat is sitting on a chair, I sneak up, shake the chair hard, yelling, "EARTHQUAKE!" Sadly, like many, she's not prepared