@NickadooLA: Mitt Romney says that people who are voting for Barack Obama don't work and don't pay taxes. I guess that means Romney is voting for Obama.
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@lawblob: [the boss walks by my desk and catches me looking at sonic anime] Me: the hackers are at it again. I was trying to visit church. com
@Brianhopecomedy: I told my 5 year old that he was allowed to choose 1 item from the grocery store so we're walking home with a cart.
@CoolCamel69: "How's your love life?" Well, I went on a date. 45 minutes in I realized it was a turtle in a wig. "I'm sorry man" it's ok. still got laid.
@TheIronSherk: Eating a block of cheese is probably the most delicious way to figure out it's time to get some groceries.