@tarastrong: "Mom, I hate the word, 'Hemorrhoid'. It's like a weird planet. Hi,I'm Hemorroidian! Or oh no! A hemorrhoid is headed 4 Earth!" -my 12yr old
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@jackiembouvier: I love my husband. But, what really motivates me to stay married is how much weight I'd have to lose to date again.
@UncleDuke1969: “Your keys are over THERE.” - Wow. You have eagle eyes! “Yup. My vision is 20/20.” - No. I mean they’re small, beady & kinda close together.
@michaelianblack: There's probably one fireman in every house who likes to work the pole in front of the other guys "as a joke."