@thequeensheart: "Mom, I promise I won't interrupt your nap." "Thanks honey, could I finish peeing by myself?"
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@TheRealPacino: President Donald Trump falls to his knees, he clasps the strong bronze tanned hand of Don Corleone, and kisses it;…
@caithuls: [trying to get out of date] ME: Oh sorry, I have a missed call from 911 HIM: That's not how- ME: *mouthing* IT'S AN EMERGENCY
@primawesome: I like arugula because it's good for me, delicious, and an old fashioned car horn sound.