@Sam19eighty: Mom: I'm worried you might end up alone. nMe: Don't worry mom, do you know how many followers i have???nMom: ... ( Worried face)
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@doublewenis: Don't embarrass a guy by telling him his fly is open in public. Just be a man, walk over there, and slowly zip it up for him.
@NewSATQuestion: #NewSATQuestions Starbucks messed up Kate's order. Kate's white. How done is she? a.) 100% done b.) 300% done c.) SO done d.) She can't even
@grimpossible: "Hey son, we really love you but we posted a picture of you on Instagram and nobody liked it which is why we're giving you up for adoption."