@ShortSleeveSuit: MOM [introducing us by our musically themed names]: this is our daughter Lyric, this is our other daughter Melody and this is our son *points at me* Sad Trombone
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@caliluvgirl77: How old do I look? 9yo: 30 Aww, you deserve ice crea- 9yo: Just like grandma -m but too bad you're not getting any
@JennyJohnsonHi5: My stepson and his friend are driving around in my car. If he wrecks it, I have insurance. If he plays Nickelback in it, I'll murder him.
@AndyAsAdjective: "how'd your football team football today?" those footballers footballed quite well…really good footballin'