@sarcasticmommy4: Mom pro tip: If you're old enough to critique what I put in your lunch, you're old enough to make it yourself.
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@SaeedFaridzadeh: No, I don't have time to read the article. Just show me an image, and misguided headline, with the promise of making me angry.
@kumailn: 5 people hurt themselves by accidentally discharging guns at gun shows. Maybe the best way to handle gun nuts is to just let them have guns.
@ArfMeasures: INTERVIEWER: When did u last work? ME [shrugs] Months ago INTERVIEWER: That's a long time not to be employed ME: Oh no I'm still employed
@QwertyJones3: I guess the Tupperware lids in my house just graduate and go off to college or something.