@EliseRose5: Mom wants me to have a baby girl with blonde hair and blue eyes.And I want a sane mother who isn't oblivious to my Italian bloodline.
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@Xoolun: Cops: Jay X? Me: Yes. Cops: Your dog has been reported to have chased someone on a bike. Me: Thats bullshit my dog doesnt have a bike.
@Book_Krazy: "What's that?" A divorce jar. Every time we fight you put a dollar in and I'm a little bit closer to freedom. *puts in dollar* "WTH!?!"
@Phook75: I just folded a fitted sheet so beautifully an owl just delivered a Hogwarts acceptance letter to my house
@anylaurie16: Changed ex's name in my cell to Do Not Engage. Unfortunately, his middle name Not doesn't show up when he texts.