@68Cly29: Moms that name their daughters Stacy are the real narcissists.
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@DanMentos: "Your son's been involved in a shenanigan" What kinda shenanigans? "It was just one shenanigan" You called me down here for one shenanigan?
@KenJennings: People you mute should stay in your TL but with a piece of tape over their avatar mouth and their tweets all like "Mmmp mm mmmph rf mph."
@birbigs: "You're joking about calling it Good Friday, right? I told you the part about the nails?" -Jesus