@TheReal_AndyMac: Money can't buy you happiness. But it can buy you burritos and a Slip N' Slide. So you do the math.
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@mommajessiec: Me: “Guys, we are leaving in 5 minutes.” 7yo: “Do I need to wear shoes?” Me: “Yes.” [4 minutes later] 7yo: “What about pants?”
@KelgoreTrout: "911 whats your emerge-" I THOUGHT I COULD TAKE THESE PANTS OFF WITHOUT TAKING OFF MY SHOES
@TheDailySchmuck: Accidentally pressed the soap dispenser instead of the toothpaste. Mouth feels clean but I don't think I'll be able to curse today. Shucks.