@MariyaAlexander: More "kills" on Tinder than any man in the history of online dating, Bradley Cooper is.... American Swiper.
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@Tmoney68: If I could be any animal I'd pick a turtle, strictly for the chance, however slight, I could be turned into a ninja.
@Deirdreocx: [Cops have a warrant for my arrest] Cops: you're coming with us! *Plays the Benny Hill theme on my phone & runs away* Foot chase ensues.
@yoyoha: If I was a marriage counselor I would just make the couple look at a dating website for 20 minutes.
@TheGayFlash: The Pink Panther's To Do list: - To do - To do - To do, to do, to do, to do, to doooo