@jegheterbella: More tattoo artists really just need to say "No, I'm not doing that."
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@brendohare: Well I'm not really sure why you put "Baby: Ages 0-6" on your resume, but more importantly, why were you a baby for so long
@ARealTinderella: You know, you don't realise what you've got until you don't have it. I just ran out of toilet paper ...
@MikeOdenthal: Given how, when I try to eat a banana, I end up holding the peel while the actual fruit falls to the floor, I'm ok never handling a firearm.
@JaymayAllDay: I told my friends I found my Lasik surgeon on Yelp and they were horrified. Or interested, I'm not sure, I can't make out faces so well.