@TeachersHot: Morning wood makes the best fire.
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@DadUnderFire: I usually turn down the volume on my car radio when searching for an address, as if the house will shout out to me as I approach.
@Playing_Dad: [3am] *nudges wife* No way the old guy blew up all those balloons in Up in 1 night. Honey, you awake? I mean he's like a million years old.
@weinerdog4life: In every IKEA there is a magical filing cabinet labeled raccoons, DO NOT OPEN THIS FILING CABINET!