@jwoodham: Most people don't know this, but the North only won the Civil War because the South got half an inch of snow and they lost their damn minds.
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@thatdutchperson: Being a Zombie doesn't sound that bad. You don't have a job and your entire day is spent looking for things to eat. Shit, I do that now.
@JCWisdomNuggets: Next time a dude says "Pictures or it didn't happen", punch them in the throat, take a pic, and tell a story about a guy you throat punched.
@TheMichaelRock: I have been reporting moms on Facebook who brag about how perfect their lives are as fake news.
@ImaFlyontheWall: Watching police ticket people parked incorrectly that are in church right now and understanding that Jesus and karma have a sense of humor