@jwoodham: Most people don't know this, but the North only won the Civil War because the South got half an inch of snow and they lost their damn minds.
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@TheThomason: Professor X gets a lot of credit as a progressive considering his solution to a race conflict was "give them their own school."
@jjhartinger: A telemarketer called and said,"can I speak with the man of the house." I replied, "sure" and gave the phone to the cat.
@ProdigyNelson: *girl calls me daddy* *hammer appears in my hand* "oh no" *I start building a deck* "what have you done" *grill turns itself on*