@suzieQ0007: Most people who think I'm a nice person have no idea that I'd trade any one of my kids for a deep dish pizza.
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@robfee: Everyone in horror movies: *loud scream* It was probably just the wind *a ghost flies across room* Just the wind *dog gets cut in half* Wind
@markedly: BANK: Someone made fraudulent charges w/ ur debit card ME: How'd you know it wasn't me B: They entered the PIN correctly 1st try M: Dear god
@215potter: Someone just asked me to fax them my email address. Careful driving folks, these people walk amongst us...
@riverpig12: Twitter : bc in real life Smart, funny, beautiful women are not following us anywhere.