@ObscureGent: Mother in law just said global warming with air quotes. It's going to be a long night.
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@Jacob_Swift16: Stephen Hawking calculates the properties of the universe from a wheelchair and I'm googling how to get paid without leaving my house
@bobvulfov: CIA DIRECTOR: if u take this deep undercover assignment, u will have to give up ur own name forever STUART GIGGLEDICK: not an issue, sir
@Black__Elvis: My girlfriend's father got mad that I proposed to her without asking him first but there's just no way I would ever marry that guy.
@candace_9871: It's like my Mom used to say, always keep a positive pregnancy test around in case you need to ruin a man's life.