@SarcasticAlly12: Motherhood is like being a fireman putting out fires but everyone is shouting out how you're doing it wrong and criticizing your sweatpants.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@GashleyMadison: [at restaurant] -sees baby screaming in high chair -walks over & picks baby up -walks outside & puts baby down "You're free," I whisper.
@Pro_Jones_: (Date) Me: Sorry I have terrible anxiety and get picnic attacks. Her: You mean panic attacks? Me: *pulling basket out* Oh god make it stop
@MensHumor: Halloween is, by far, the safest day to kill a person and leave them in a chair on your porch.