@SarcasticAlly12: Motherhood is like being a fireman putting out fires but everyone is shouting out how you're doing it wrong and criticizing your sweatpants.
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@VinnieLovelace: Saw a guy with a barcode tattoo on his neck. Scanned it with my RedLaser app & he couldn't believe I found him cheaper on 3 online stores
@Mr_Kapowski: Coworker: Summer plans? Me: Hell yeah. Rock shows galore CW: Def Leppard, Guns N Roses? Me: *thinks to amethysts and pyrite on brochure* Yea
@wickedsuga: Randomly play a recording of a candy bar wrapper being opened just to keep your kids on their toes.