@SeanINCypress: Movies taught me that if your kid is talking to ghosts, alone in their room, leave that brat in there, and run while you're still alive.
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@KayRants: If you send multiple one sentence texts, I will mail a raccoon to your face I'm not kidding.
@Shut_up_Marissa: Me: I'm so tired. Phone: Put me down and go to sleep. Me and Phone: HAHAHAHAHA!
@DepecheALAmode: I want to get married just so I can throw my wedding ring in anger. I bet it's a lot cooler than aggressively untying a friendship bracelet.
@Brianhopecomedy: Cashier: "Sir, the toilet paper you're buying goes on sale tomorrow." "COOL, I'LL CHECK WITH MY FAMILY TO SEE IF THEY CAN HOLD IT IN."