@SeanINCypress: Movies taught me that if your kid is talking to ghosts, alone in their room, leave that brat in there, and run while you're still alive.
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@DaddyJew: The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff
@shellyspivey: "I wanna know who is responsible for this!" nn-Me to my parents, while pointing at myself.
@NicestHippo: WIFE: He thinks he's a news anchor DOCTOR: Is this true ME: [stacking papers & talking inaudibly as the camera zooms out]
@Tw1tter_K1tten: Saw a homeless white girl begging for money. I didn't give her any, because I know how they are, always blowing it on Starbucks.