@realHamOnWry: Mrs.Potato seemed genuinely upset that her husband was missing, but the smell of French fries in her kitchen made the detectives suspicious.
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@Ndeshi_M: Him: I'd go to the end of the world for you! Me: Well... what are you waiting for then?
@HomeProbably: What do you call a man who does all the cooking, cleaning and washing without complaint? Single.
@panmidwest: ME: [repeatedly trying, and failing, to film a successful water bottle flip] DAVID ATTENBOROUGH: experts project extinction for this species
@HeidiGolightly: Do I still have feelings for my ex husband? Yes. I think "stabby" is a feeling, right?