@realHamOnWry: Mrs.Potato seemed genuinely upset that her husband was missing, but the smell of French fries in her kitchen made the detectives suspicious.
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@jergarl: 89% of being a parent is telling my kids to put on shoes before we leave the house and then getting in the car wearing my slippers.
@jordan_stratton: Remember, kids: Never get in cars with strangers unless you've used an app to select a specific stranger to drive you around in their car
@SamuelHLowe: - Baby, I just want everything to be like it was at the beginning. - When we first met? - No, before that.
@_Enanem_: I've written a musical called Fish. It's very similar to Cats, although Memory's a lot shorter.