@realHamOnWry: Mrs.Potato seemed genuinely upset that her husband was missing, but the smell of French fries in her kitchen made the detectives suspicious.
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@dlockw21: 11: Dad, what's your spirit animal? Mine's a tiger. Me: Remember that chubby mouse named Gus in the baby-tee from Cinderella? 11: ...
@MichaelTrying: My calendar says there's a new moon tomorrow. The old one was there for 4.5 billion years; you'd think people would be more excited.
@Rollinintheseat: I wonder if Mariah Carey knows it's possible to sing a high note without pointing her finger in the air?