@realHamOnWry: Mrs.Potato seemed genuinely upset that her husband was missing, but the smell of French fries in her kitchen made the detectives suspicious.
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@ibid78: I have batlike reflexes. -You mean catlike reflexes? *screeches real loud right in your face to locate food and avoid obstacles*
@KentWGraham: When my mother calls with a computer problem, I tell her to try shutting it off and turning it back on in 6 months.
@crunchenhancer: When bears are around, try to look skinny and they won't eat you. If that doesn't work, kick your buddy in the nuts and RUN!