@GroperCleveland: MTV has ordered a reality show to follow a group of virgins. That sounds very interesting and riveting and get that camera out of my face.
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@hobo_hands: Having swords for arms was a terrible first wish but it was a genie and I blurt weird things out when I panic.
@WilliamAder: To my followers in Florida in the path of the hurricane: Remember to keep your phone charged. These tweets don't "like" themselves.
@hipstermermaid: The year is 2030: All corporations have merged and every night before bed you say a prayer to your cable company.
@AmericanGent69: *slow jams playing in the background Her: take off my pants Me: oh my bad, right, ok I totally thought these were mine.