@leftarmisme: Much like Apple products, I also, am only compatible with myself.
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@Holy_Mowgli: I planted grizzly DNA under my fingernails so when I choke on doritos the medical examiners assume I was strangled by a bear but fought back
@Playing_Dad: Daughter: Daddy, why is the moon following us around? Me: I probably owe it money like everyone else on the planet
@BruceForce: 2010: Didn't jog 2011: Didn't jog 2012: Didn't jog 2013: Didn't jog 2014: Haven't jogged ~ This is a running joke
@PinkCamoTO: The "we're going to need a bigger boat" scene from Jaws but just me looking at the shopping carts at the liquor store.